Police in the Vas County town of Bük recently made a surprising collar in the form of a naked Czech man so drunk he forgot where he was staying and barged into a local home, refusing to leave. The drunken Czech was taken by ambulance to a psychiatric in Szombathely. No details on how he lost his clothes, or whether the shock of Hungarian beer may have caused his derangement. [atv.hu]

Following an ever-increasing amount of complaints leveled at Café del Rio and their unofficial "no blacks or gypsies" door policy, the Equal Treatment Authority slapped the nightclub with an unusual Ft 5 million (€18,600) penalty (far larger than the Ft 500,000 it fined another location a year ago). This decision came after an incident this summer when a black student was denied admission by the bouncers even though his white friends were allowed in, after which for unclear reasons the bouncers even beat him up. The authority sent individuals of different racial backgrounds to test the door policy, with the result that whites were always let in, while non-whites had to wait or were denied admission outright. In absolutely no shock to anyone, the management has denied all such claims (despite the place having quite a reputation for this policy) and has said they will appeal the decision. Funnily enough, on the page listing this past summer's musical events at the nightclub, the biggest name is Dr. Alban, who not only is black, but was last popular before today's high school kids were even born. [index.hu]

It appears that Budapest's nomadic nightspot West Balkán will be reopening its doors again soon, and across from the Nyugati Train Station in the city center no less, the Urbanista blog reports. Although we were skeptical at the first reports of West Balkán's resurrection, the blog has images of how part of the Skála Metro building's interior will be converted into an area with a stage as well areas for sitting. This is great news for Budapest's nightlife, since West Balkán never reopened after it had to move from its previous location. Best of all, West Balkán, known perhaps more than any other Budapest nightspot for never being in the same location for too long, signed a ten year lease with District VI and will open with a New Year's Eve party. We'll stop by shortly thereafter to let you know how it turned out.

With the weather currently alternating between foggy and wet and foggy and not-so-wet, Budapest nightlife has had to move indoors for the following months. Consequently, we are glad to report of a newish opening in District VI, which recently saw its insane nightlife ban more or less reversed. Situated at the former location of the now-defunct Articsóka Restaurant is the recently opened Most! (meaning "now" in Hungarian) which is related to Budapest's other present-tense hipster drinking establishment Jelen.

Happy Beaujolais Noveau day! Yes, that's right, even here in Hungary November 19 is celebrated as the day when bottles of this year's vintage of the world's greatest wine gimmick can be officially uncorked. We were reminded of this yesterday when we saw the above poster in the widow of Sandokan down in District VI, where we assume there will be lots of the soda-pop-like BJ chugged down all weekend. Meanwhile, in an incroyable coïncidence, another top pick for the weekend is the similarly outrageously French DJ Anoraak (right, looking, uh, French). According to the official communiqué we received on the Saturday Kunk event where Anoraak will appear, his "epic 'Nightdrive with You' single [encapsulates] the emotion of an era existing both decades behind us, and far into the future -- welded together with an electro twist du jour." So just imagine how good it'll be with a foundation of a couple of bottles of Beaujolais.

Really. A 61-year-old "drunk" recently built a pedestrian crossing from bricks on a street in downtown Pécs, because he had enough of motorists not letting him waddle across. Unsurprisingly, the man's idea didn't work out. Some drivers drove across the bricks and others drove around them, until one eventually called the police. When the dipso told the cops why he had built the unusual crossing, they booked him for endangering traffic safety. [index.hu]

It's not been the best of times for Budapest's bar and club scene this past summer with District VI standing by their decision to kill the nightlife under their jurisdiction. Fortunately we have some good news just a few streets over in District VII. Opened roughly a month ago, the Fogasház is there to cater to those who are tired of the Scowling Eyebrow Lady at Szimpla Kert or for those who can't get exicted about Instant anymore.

As we reported last month, the geniuses running the show in District VI came up with the überfantastisch idea of a nightlife curfew at 10PM. Subsequent polls of District VI residents have revealed that the overwhelming majority of residents oppose the new law, so in response, the District VI government decided to uphold the decree. Over on Facebook, a group advocating buliterrorizmus ("party terrorism") was launched, which asks people to drunkenly party on the streets for a couple hours whenever they go out in District VI until the decree is repealed. Someone else is organizing a protest to be held in front of the District VI government building at Eötvös utca 3 on Monday the 21st at 5:00 PM, where residents can show their disapproval, like they tried back in July in the picture above. And if that doesn't work, there are always other methods of letting them know what you think.

If you live in Budapest you've probably heard by now about the move by the District VI authorities to enact a sweeping set of new rules relating to the opening hours of local restaurants, bars and clubs, which many fear could effectively close down the city's biggest concentration of dining and drinking spots. You may even be among the people who have emailed and even called to ask us why we haven't yet covered the story.

As for why we didn't immediately jump in screaming bloody murder, it's partly because we've been around these parts long enough to know that, if everyone is yelling about some dramatic change said to be just around the corner, when you rush to look around the corner there is usually nothing much there. Indeed, we've been "burned" on stories like this more than once before, writing springtime obituaries for the Pest kert scene only to find it greener than ever come summer. And sure enough, barely a week after word came that regulations had been passed that from September 1 could force most bars and restaurants to close up by 10:00 p.m., the council decided to suspend the decree until its potential impact could be more closely examined, and the concerns of those impacted taken into account. [See update #1 below.]

So as our sober-minded colleagues over at the Budapest Times soberly reported on the initial news of the proposed clamp-down and then its predictable watering-down, we decided to keep our powder dry for a bit, and instead spend some time working on the proverbial story behind the story. Given this, before continuing you may want to first take a look at their reports, to get the "official" version.

You Will Die So We Can Live
Needless to say, the juiciest parts of the "unofficial" story here revolve around the officials who thought up and signed off on the decree in question. And since we've already prevailed in one defamation lawsuit brought against us by a politician in the last year, we're happy to compensate you for your wait by telling you exactly what we think is going on, even if it lands us back in court.

While the Times pieces correctly suggest that the regulation was enacted with next year's elections in mind, they fail to mention a few key details in this area. For example, not all residents in buildings with establishments seeking to stay open past 10:00 would have a say. Instead, it seems that only those who are registered as residing in flats that they own in their own names would count. It's hard to think of a regulation more cynically tailored for immediate electoral needs. They might just as well have written the decree to say that only people who are over the age of 60 and spend at least 60 hours per week grumbling at their neighbors for having a richer and more fulfilling life than them get to decide.

What about our quality of life? The passage in Budapest's District VI of a strict new rule governing closing hours of local bars has pitted youthful revelers (such as those above left at the B-City Pub on Zichy Jenő utca) against the neighborhood's large numbers of elderly residents, like the two women pictured talking at right on the district's Liszt tér. But the primary beneficiaries of the controversy may be the politicians who pushed through the changes, led by Socialist MP Tibor Kékesi (above) and local mayor István Verók (below), both of whom face tough re-election battles after being ensnared in ongoing corruption investigations. (Photo of women via Flickr user Yigal Chamish)

But more important is why the authorities felt a need to make such a dramatic gesture to local voters. Here's why: Because even though the grumbling old goats and biddies who crowd the district's electoral rolls tend to be dyed-in-the-wool Socialists, the reds who have had the run of the place for so long have now been so thoroughly exposed as filthy thieves that they run the risk of losing the next election. While the scandals swirling around the District VI önkormányzat have not yet reached the level of those in the neighboring VII - where the Socialist mayor was jailed in February on fraud charges - a stench of official corruption has long hung over the shit-crusted streets of Terézváros. Late last month it was revealed that local MP Tibor Kékesi had joined the long list of people suspected of benefiting from corrupt real estate deals in the district, which includes mayor István Verók, his deputy (György Fürst), and all the other Socialist and Liberal council members who voted for the sale of properties deemed fishy. And when we say "fishy" we mean "totally and utterly corrupt," since it would be fishy indeed if the country's corrupt Socialist-led national government was pushing an investigation into deals that weren't manifestly bent.

Adding to the vileness of the whole thing is the fact that it was the floppy-haired Kékesi and not the oh-so-square-looking Verók who initially proposed the nightlife ban. But this shouldn't be so surprising, given that Kékesi is still smarting from an incident in which he was plausibly accused of improperly spying on and beating up his neighbors. (In that case, his fellow Socialist MPs and their Liberal fellow-travelers decided not to strip him of immunity, even though Parliament's Immunity Committee recommended that he be forced to face the charges in court.) Whether the kill-joy bill turns out to be a great vote-winner is unclear, and all you hipsters who love to hate on the Hungarian right note that the Fidesz and Jobbik representatives on the council have come out against it. Still, as both Mao and Machiavelli liked to say, a good offense is always the best defense.

We're From the Government and We're Here to Help
In addition to being a useful sop to the district's electoral majority of petulant groaners, the proposed ordinance would offer other benefits for the cretins who control the district, and their legions of bagmen and other criminal underlings. Because if there's anything that a corrupt political machine loves as much as creaming super-fat "commissions" off big public works projects and asset sales, it's the ability to collect lots and lots of small bribes. What better way to get things shaking in the department of shakedowns than pass a regulation so harebrained that even the most upstanding members of the community would have little compunction over paying to get around? And pay they would, because for many bars and restaurants, closing down at 10:00 p.m. would mean closing down, period.

Just in case you think we are overstating the sleaze of the district's petty officials, note that the district's inspectors are notorious for expecting regular backhanders when visiting local restaurants, bars and food-shops. One proprietor we spoke with on the matter said that he was told when he opened to hand over Ft 20,000 in cash each time the health inspector comes around for a checkup; another said his visitors ask for "loans." Even representatives of the main city administration - hardly a beacon of clean governance - have been known to tell proprietors of local businesses to call them if things get too dirty in the district. And keep in mind that the ongoing investigations into the district's property dealings mean that this particularly rich vein of graft may be about to disappear, suggesting a need for alternative sources of off-budget booty.

But the rule would not only guarantee an increase in the need for the sort of petty official judgments crying out for a little palm-greasing. For if a crooked official has the power to shut a bar or restaurant down, he or she also has the power to bring it back to life. Indeed, this is one of the most venerable varieties of jumbo-sized government sleaze, going back at least as far as ancient Rome: Make a rule that renders an otherwise valuable asset worthless, buy it for nothing, reverse the rule, and then count your winnings. Remember, now that we've established pretty much beyond a shadow of doubt that this government is essentially just one big criminal conspiracy, a notion like this isn't a conspiracy theory - it's a business plan.

In addition, the regulation as currently written would in many ways further pit neighbor against neighbor, with potential consequences ranging from the comical to the chilling. Since one of the key criteria of whether an establishment can stay open is if a complaint has been filed against it, you can be sure every business subject to the law will be the target of new complaints prompted by competitors "just making sure" they are not the only ones forced to go to their building's residents hat in hand. And if there's just one old lady standing between a profitable business and personal bankruptcy, well… that stairwell was an accident waiting to happen, wasn't it?

Shocking but true! Longtime contributor X has just informed us of a harrowing run-in with the law last night that resulted from his seemingly innocuous decision to urinate in public in downtown Pest. According to a clearly shaken X, he had just begun to unleash his mighty stream onto a building around 10 meters up Mozsár utca from Nagymező utca in District VI at around 2:00 a.m. last night when a police car approached - "cherries flashing" - and came to a halt at the scene.

Finally this week, our friends over at Chew.hu revealed today (third item) that the swanky District V café/restaurant known as White Heaven has closed. What they didn't say is that the place has already gotten a new name: the "Lavan Pickup Bar." All we can say is, Budapest you very nice place!

While newswire Reuters stretches credulity with report about widespread nostalgia for a closed-down 1970s power station near lake Balaton, there are much less dubious reports of widespread nostalgia for the soon-to-be-former New Wave Station. Sad but true! After 13 installments of the 80s-centered party night, promoter Misi stunned local pop music masochists by announcing his plans to run, run so far away to America. Last call is Saturday night at Mumus.