Over the past few days we’ve gotten several pointed and pleading emails, Facebook pokes, and even an SMS asking when we will be back from our summer vacation. Well, we’re back! So what happened while we were gone? Either a month’s worth of offbeat stories of the sort generally left untouched by the foreign media that nevertheless provide invaluable insights into the reality of life in Hungary, or a bunch of random crap. We like to think it’s both:
Sloth in Speedy Zoo Escape
First, and possibly most important, the week that we made our escape from publishing a female sloth escaped from the Veszprém Zoo. According to various reports – including on national television – the famously sluggish arboreal animal became unusually sprightly when the heat of early August suddenly turned chilly and climbed over the bars of her enclosure and owards sweet freedom, in the process spurring creation of the Hungarian phrase szökevény lajhár, or “fugitive sloth” (see still from national television above). As it turned out, however, even a really fast sloth is slower than really slow Hungarian zoo workers, and the poor thing was quickly apprehended and put back in its box. Still – respect. [index.hu]
Vaseline Penis Injection Murder Case Festers
Our puke-making June story about the man who injected Vaseline into his penis to get his former girlfriend to feel sorry for him and take him back but then went on to hill her new boyfriend with a kitchen knife when she was like ew, no thanks sprung back to life later in the summer, with news that dick-self-mutilating Dezső had a run-in with angry ex Piroska almost as bad as the one in which she tried to bite off his petroleum-jelly-fouled member. This time the scene took place in court, where Piri accosted Dezső and dumped a bag of ashes from the remains of the BF he killed on his head. Despite letting off more steam, Piroska says she still can’t bring herself to forgive Dezső, who by the way is also her cousin, and who under Hungary’s new “three strikes” law faces penal servitude for life. [blikk.hu]
Bombshell Turns Environmentalists into Bimbos
The Hungarian branch of worldwide environmental pressure group Greenpeace found itself in a bit of hot water following the release of a public service video featuring Hungarian beauty queen Sylvi Bódi. The video (above) was part of a campaign aimed at protesting international energy giant Shell‘s plan to drill for oil near the North Pole, and features the curvy Bódi and a person dressed up like a polar bear pushing her car past a Shell station rather than tank up there. The only problem is that Bódi’s car is a BMW 645i that not only sports a famously gas-guzzling V8, but a laser radar jammer to allow her to drive over the speed limit, burning even more petrol. Still, nice cans. [vezess.hu]
Bronze Burglars Brazen
A long-running problem of people stealing metallic items from public places because of the rising prices of bronze and other such stuff seems to be getting worse in Budapest, as the police say they don’t have the time or resources to keep track of everything being pilfered. In late July a bunch of metal robbers made off with a big length of bronze railing girded the steps of an underpass on Baross tér, even though the whole area is blanketed with closed-circuit television cameras. [urbanista.blog.hu]
Granny Guts Grandson
A 58-year-old woman reportedly stabbed her 16-year-old grandson in stomach, leaving him in intensive care. The father of the boy found him in the backyard of their Mezőszilas home howling for help. Grandma was detained by police and denies any wrongdoing in the incident. Meanwhile, in a musty basement somewhere a cowardly racist comment troll lifts his stubby hands from the keyboard and pauses in ecstasy at the prospect of now informing us that the victim and perpetrator are obviously Gypsies. [index.hu]
Toy Gun Incident at Cake Shop Ends in Humiliation
A 47-year-old man was taken into custody last Wednesday in the southern town of Kecel after unsuccessfully trying to rob a local cake shop with a toy gun. The patisserie’s proprietor said that she was about to close up shop for the day when she saw a man outside scavenging a trash bin. The man then walked into the shop and pointed an obviously fake gun with a pink handle at her, demanding her daily take. But when the 35-year-old woman burst into tears, the robber similarly lost his wits and assured her that he was only joking and that the gun was indeed a toy. Yet the next morning remorse was still gnawing at the man, and he went back to the shop, where he was caught nibbling on one of the donuts (left) he had bought to give the owner as compensation. [index.hu]
Toy Gun Incident at University Ends in Humiliation
A 22-year-old man was taken into custody this Wednesday outside the Budapest University of Technology and Economics after some fellow students in a biochemistry lecture with him mistook a toy gun in his possession for a real weapon and called the authorities, leading to the building being sealed off by a squad of commandos from Hungary’s Anti-Terrorist Center. The incident proved embarrassing to the authorities, as the student had been given clearance to shoot a short film in which the toy gun was apparently a prop. But the kid must have been pretty mortified, too, as the film involved reshooting scenes from Star Wars, and it seems he was hauled away in front of the cameras while dressed as Luke Skywalker (left). Nooooooooooooooooo. [index.hu]
Split Decision on Top Local Ass, Filth, Stench
Finally, there was a split decision of sorts in two important online competitions that begun just before we left town. The first sought to identify the dirtiest, smelliest place in Budapest. After several weeks of voting, the verdict was announced, with the corner of Bacsó Bacsó Béla utca and Népszínház utca (just off Blaha tér) taking home top honors in front of the nearby corner of Thököly út and Bethlen Gábor utca. The winner received a special clean-up courtesy of local public area maintenance company FKF, but is expected to be back in its own form in time for next year’s competition.
Meanwhile, a “best ass” competition announced around the same time by fashion portal Velvet.hu is still ongoing. The contest flowed from a “Mr. and Ms. College” competition held earlier that week, and seems to have been bogged down by the fact that few of the asses in competition are, well, all that great. The original competition also ran into problems, as the venue had to be changed and the event was then postponed by rain and then marred by loud shouts of buzi! (fag!) from the crowd at the male contestants. It was eventually completed, however, with Mr. College getting a voucher for free dental treatment and Ms. College one for a boob job. Though from the look of things maybe they should have just handed out a bunch of vouchers for liposuction.
Welcome back! I am so glad!