Let's Have a Few Drinks and Talk About What's Really Going on With the District VI "War on Nightlife"

If you live in Budapest you've probably heard by now about the move by the District VI authorities to enact a sweeping set of new rules relating to the opening hours of local restaurants, bars and clubs, which many fear could effectively close down the city's biggest concentration of dining and drinking spots. You may even be among the people who have emailed and even called to ask us why we haven't yet covered the story.

As for why we didn't immediately jump in screaming bloody murder, it's partly because we've been around these parts long enough to know that, if everyone is yelling about some dramatic change said to be just around the corner, when you rush to look around the corner there is usually nothing much there. Indeed, we've been "burned" on stories like this more than once before, writing springtime obituaries for the Pest kert scene only to find it greener than ever come summer. And sure enough, barely a week after word came that regulations had been passed that from September 1 could force most bars and restaurants to close up by 10:00 p.m., the council decided to suspend the decree until its potential impact could be more closely examined, and the concerns of those impacted taken into account. [See update #1 below.]

So as our sober-minded colleagues over at the Budapest Times soberly reported on the initial news of the proposed clamp-down and then its predictable watering-down, we decided to keep our powder dry for a bit, and instead spend some time working on the proverbial story behind the story. Given this, before continuing you may want to first take a look at their reports, to get the "official" version.

You Will Die So We Can Live
Needless to say, the juiciest parts of the "unofficial" story here revolve around the officials who thought up and signed off on the decree in question. And since we've already prevailed in one defamation lawsuit brought against us by a politician in the last year, we're happy to compensate you for your wait by telling you exactly what we think is going on, even if it lands us back in court.

While the Times pieces correctly suggest that the regulation was enacted with next year's elections in mind, they fail to mention a few key details in this area. For example, not all residents in buildings with establishments seeking to stay open past 10:00 would have a say. Instead, it seems that only those who are registered as residing in flats that they own in their own names would count. It's hard to think of a regulation more cynically tailored for immediate electoral needs. They might just as well have written the decree to say that only people who are over the age of 60 and spend at least 60 hours per week grumbling at their neighbors for having a richer and more fulfilling life than them get to decide.

What about our quality of life? The passage in Budapest's District VI of a strict new rule governing closing hours of local bars has pitted youthful revelers (such as those above left at the B-City Pub on Zichy Jenő utca) against the neighborhood's large numbers of elderly residents, like the two women pictured talking at right on the district's Liszt tér. But the primary beneficiaries of the controversy may be the politicians who pushed through the changes, led by Socialist MP Tibor Kékesi (above) and local mayor István Verók (below), both of whom face tough re-election battles after being ensnared in ongoing corruption investigations. (Photo of women via Flickr user Yigal Chamish)

But more important is why the authorities felt a need to make such a dramatic gesture to local voters. Here's why: Because even though the grumbling old goats and biddies who crowd the district's electoral rolls tend to be dyed-in-the-wool Socialists, the reds who have had the run of the place for so long have now been so thoroughly exposed as filthy thieves that they run the risk of losing the next election. While the scandals swirling around the District VI önkormányzat have not yet reached the level of those in the neighboring VII - where the Socialist mayor was jailed in February on fraud charges - a stench of official corruption has long hung over the shit-crusted streets of Terézváros. Late last month it was revealed that local MP Tibor Kékesi had joined the long list of people suspected of benefiting from corrupt real estate deals in the district, which includes mayor István Verók, his deputy (György Fürst), and all the other Socialist and Liberal council members who voted for the sale of properties deemed fishy. And when we say "fishy" we mean "totally and utterly corrupt," since it would be fishy indeed if the country's corrupt Socialist-led national government was pushing an investigation into deals that weren't manifestly bent.

Adding to the vileness of the whole thing is the fact that it was the floppy-haired Kékesi and not the oh-so-square-looking Verók who initially proposed the nightlife ban. But this shouldn't be so surprising, given that Kékesi is still smarting from an incident in which he was plausibly accused of improperly spying on and beating up his neighbors. (In that case, his fellow Socialist MPs and their Liberal fellow-travelers decided not to strip him of immunity, even though Parliament's Immunity Committee recommended that he be forced to face the charges in court.) Whether the kill-joy bill turns out to be a great vote-winner is unclear, and all you hipsters who love to hate on the Hungarian right note that the Fidesz and Jobbik representatives on the council have come out against it. Still, as both Mao and Machiavelli liked to say, a good offense is always the best defense.

We're From the Government and We're Here to Help
In addition to being a useful sop to the district's electoral majority of petulant groaners, the proposed ordinance would offer other benefits for the cretins who control the district, and their legions of bagmen and other criminal underlings. Because if there's anything that a corrupt political machine loves as much as creaming super-fat "commissions" off big public works projects and asset sales, it's the ability to collect lots and lots of small bribes. What better way to get things shaking in the department of shakedowns than pass a regulation so harebrained that even the most upstanding members of the community would have little compunction over paying to get around? And pay they would, because for many bars and restaurants, closing down at 10:00 p.m. would mean closing down, period.

Just in case you think we are overstating the sleaze of the district's petty officials, note that the district's inspectors are notorious for expecting regular backhanders when visiting local restaurants, bars and food-shops. One proprietor we spoke with on the matter said that he was told when he opened to hand over Ft 20,000 in cash each time the health inspector comes around for a checkup; another said his visitors ask for "loans." Even representatives of the main city administration - hardly a beacon of clean governance - have been known to tell proprietors of local businesses to call them if things get too dirty in the district. And keep in mind that the ongoing investigations into the district's property dealings mean that this particularly rich vein of graft may be about to disappear, suggesting a need for alternative sources of off-budget booty.

But the rule would not only guarantee an increase in the need for the sort of petty official judgments crying out for a little palm-greasing. For if a crooked official has the power to shut a bar or restaurant down, he or she also has the power to bring it back to life. Indeed, this is one of the most venerable varieties of jumbo-sized government sleaze, going back at least as far as ancient Rome: Make a rule that renders an otherwise valuable asset worthless, buy it for nothing, reverse the rule, and then count your winnings. Remember, now that we've established pretty much beyond a shadow of doubt that this government is essentially just one big criminal conspiracy, a notion like this isn't a conspiracy theory - it's a business plan.

In addition, the regulation as currently written would in many ways further pit neighbor against neighbor, with potential consequences ranging from the comical to the chilling. Since one of the key criteria of whether an establishment can stay open is if a complaint has been filed against it, you can be sure every business subject to the law will be the target of new complaints prompted by competitors "just making sure" they are not the only ones forced to go to their building's residents hat in hand. And if there's just one old lady standing between a profitable business and personal bankruptcy, well… that stairwell was an accident waiting to happen, wasn't it?

Either Way, You're Gonna Have a Hangover
Given all this, you might think the answer to all these problems is to simply take out Kékesi, Verók and the other vile criminals and demagogues misruling the district once and for all, perhaps using the traditional Roman method of sewing them up in big burlap sack with some snakes and casting them into the river. But in addition to being unfair to the snakes, this probably wouldn't do anything other than make us feel good for a bit. The current rats will simply be replaced by other rats, just as they were in District V a couple of years back, when a Fidesz-led machine took over the rackets of its vanquished Socialist predecessor the way Somali militias take turns gnawing on the bones of Mogadishu.

And even if Budapest politics were suddenly scrubbed Scandinavian clean, other deep-seated political and demographic realities would continue to make the city extremely fertile ground for "nimbyism" of every type. As long as the capital's fewer than 2 million residents are divided into more than 20 different semi-autonomous districts, residents and politicians in these neighborhoods will always try to get others to bear the burden of hosting potentially disruptive but vital businesses. Throw in a tax regime that funnels most business revenue to the city or state government and it's a wonder why districts want any businesses around, aside from the aforementioned fiddles. This is why it is pointless, for example, for a bar owner to warn the district mayor that he might have to lay off staff if forced to close earlier; he or she might as well warn the President of France.

Finally, despite the cynicism with which the political class in District VI adopted this regulation - and the surveys which purport it is unpopular - such a rule may indeed be what a majority of local voters actually want. To you it may seem crazy that a thriving dining and nightlife scene wouldn't naturally be seen as improving a neighborhood's (or city's) quality of life. But for the early-rising pensioner who is the typical denizen of Terézváros it is probably as welcome as a thriving nearby petrochemical refining complex would probably be for you. Put it this way: Those of us who actually live in the district certainly don't often run into our immediate neighbors at our favorite local eateries or watering holes. And one doesn't have to be a closet Socialist to detect a whiff of class war in the air. Many of the prosperous young revelers who throng Liszt tér every summer evening would probably scoff at the notion of actually living in decrepit, sweaty old Pest.

This is why the messy compromise that is the most likely outcome of the whole kerfuffle will be, at least for us, little cause for joy. Having nailed their colors to the mast, the district government can hardly afford to fully back down. So what we'll probably end up with is one more tangled layer of red tape that will mostly serve to help the lawless further strangle the law-abiding. At the same time, if the measure really is popular with a majority of local voters, it will be yet another case of money trumping votes. In fact, it's all so depressing we're going to quit now and have a drink, and we're not even going to bother going out to get it.

UPDATE #1: Literally minutes after we posted this origo.hu published a piece saying that the District VI has now "re-reversed" itself, and that the ordinance will indeed come into effect on September 1, because there is no time to hold a special session on the topic before then. Despite this, we continue to believe there will be a "fudge" as argued above hashed out before the end of the year, and would be willing to bet any reader who thinks otherwise a drink at a District VI pub or restaurant of their choice.

UPDATE #2: If we were wrong about the regulation coming into force on its original starting date, we were certainly not wrong in calling the district government corrupt, as it was reported yesterday that one of its officials was just arrested on bribery charges. We suspect it won't be the last, and would be similarly willing to bet a beer on it.