Facial Hair Key to Free Democrat Success

Back when they first formed, the Free Democrats (SZDSZ) were the party of liberal intellectuals, and what are liberal intellectuals known for? Facial hair! Alongside fully-bearded party chairman János Kis (top left) was current philosopher-at-large Gáspár Miklós Tamás, a man also blessed with beard. Following the elections of 1990, the Free Dems were the second largest party in parliament. Their adoption of more modern fashions and regular shaving routines, however, just might have been their undoing.

Following Kis as party chairman (as the graph shows going from left to right) was Péter Tölgyessy, who despite gnawing on his finger in the picture we found, can clearly be seen to be clean-shaven. The Free Dems popularity? Down. So who did they bring in to replace him? "In a razor he trusts" Iván Pető, whose lack of facial hair failed to dramatically improve the party's fortunes, although maybe going into a coalition with the Socialists might have had something to do with this.

Clearly, the party was looking down a dark tunnel as it moved toward the 1998 elections. It was time for drastic measures. With neither Kis nor Tamás active in the party anymore, Gábor Kuncze was brought in with hopes of reviving the party through his mustachioed goodness. The result: the Free Dems brought in enough last minute votes to stay in parliament, thus illustrating the fact that facial hair and the fate of the Free Democrats were forever entwined.

But this correlation was lost on the party leaders, as after Kuncze stepped down, Bálint Magyar, also without facial hair, took over. The party was bleeding supporters. At this point, eyes turned toward Budapest's mayor-for-life, Gábor Demszky, also lacking in the beard or mustache department. The party's fortunes failed to improve, although this may have less to do with his lack of facial hair and more with the fact that everything the mayor becomes involved with goes pear-shaped.

Faced with an election coming in less than a year, the Free Democrats turned to their own version of Los Angeles Lakers great Jerry West, and again promoted Gábor Kuncze and his magic mustache to the post of party chairman. Again, the party pulled a last minute recovery in time to make it into parliament, thus confirming what everyone suspected: for the Free Democrats, the more facial hair, the greater amount of success. Unfortunately for the Free Democrats, while everyone else became aware of this axiom, the party leadership did not, which is how former economy minister János Kóka and his regularly-razored face became party chairman, accusations of improprieties at the leadership vote notwithstanding.

And where are the Free Democrats now? A good poll result for them is 2%. The party that seriously looked capable of becoming the senior party in a governing coalition in 1990 is now happy when anyone even admits to supporting them. The solution? Kóka needs to ditch the razor and let that beard grow. As in making hippies look clean cut. Only then can the Free Democrats climb out of their current position in the Hungarian political basement.