Canuck Humbles Hungos in Local Lad Mag "Hunk-Off"

The September issue of the Hungarian edition of gentlemen's magazine FHM hit newsstands across the country yesterday, this time with a surprise bigger than which B-list celebrity would show all or most for a few hundred thousand forints. Instead, it contained a story revealing that Pestiside.hu's Canadian affairs correspondent Sean Jordan is the apogee of male desirability on earth, or at least in Hungary. In the report, entitled Mi Jön Be A Csajoknak? ("What Do Girls Like?"), the freshly-eligible Jordan went toe to toe with three famous Hungarian Lotharios - including popular singer/rapist/cannibal Pákó Fekete - in front of a panel of expert female judges. The Canadian's victory, it emerges, was a foregone conclusion.

Eschewing such traditional yardsticks of male attractiveness as wealth and power, FHM asked each contestant to submit other, more revealing measures of his mojo: samples of his underwear and shoes, a photo of the contents of his fridge, a photo of his hands, and a pheromone-drenched t-shirt that he had slept in. Judges Orsi, Éva, Anikó, Rachel, and Eszter then pored over each pile of evidence, and picked one guy based on what they had seen and smelled.

If it's sweet enough for Orsi, it's probably sweet enough for you

A survey of the comments about Jordan should prove illuminating for anyone interested in, well, mi jön be a csajoknak? About his underwear - a tasteful pair of striped blue boxers - Anikó remarked, "Cute, youthful. I like them a lot." Eszter had this to say about his refrigerator: "It's appealing because, in keeping with good Hungarian custom... he has cold pezsgö (sparkling wine) at home. It can be helpful on a hot night." Rachel, meanwhile, pronounced his hands "masculine, clean, well-kept." Rounding out the kudos was a chorus of feminine approval for the musky, virile bouquet wafting from his t-shirt: "It smells really nice. I like it a lot!" (Eszter), "I like the smell, I really like it" (Anikó), "Good enough!" (Orsi), and "I like the smell!" (Rachel).

Other contestants didn't fare so well. Most judges gave Pákó a hard time, especially Éva, who said of his t-shirt that "there is no smell here. He is obviously a pansy-boy." And poor Pákó's taste in men's shoes didn't jibe with Orsi's: "Oh God, these are terrible!... I don't think I'll ever be with a guy who wears this type of shoe." Meantime, stage actor Dániel Mogács took a lot of flak for what was in his fridge, and model/track & field champion Dániel Kis's underwear was roundly panned.

FHM concludes that "Sean Jordan was the clear winner of the experiment... the Hungarian contestants were left behind, with even the 'national dick' [Fekete] sustaining a defeat." Or, we might add, the former national dick.