In the Tabs: Quad Aces Barely a Full House

Our continuing retreat from serious news continues with a scientific "longitudinal" look at the Napi Ász ("Daily Ace"), Hungary's third-most-popular (and most Internet-adverse) daily tabloid, over the most recent four-day period. Our conclusion? Even with the free DVDs they are handing out these day - including an episode of "Poirot" every Friday - the Ászes probably need to liven things up a bit. On the other hand, four aces in a row is never something you lay down:

Friday

• Despite strong signs of public appetite in a number of online polls, the stars of soap opera blockbuster "Barátok közt" ("Among Friends") are still not being allowed to take off their clothes in public.

• The Hungarian Meteorological Office (OMSZ) has been drawing complaints after forecasting a cold, wet summer, and keeping its data secret - even though it is state-financed.

• Hungarian President László Sólyom was proclaimed the "loser of the day" on Friday after his popularity slumped 18% in two months. But when taking up his post he said "I don't want to be a popular president." Which surely makes him the day's winner?

• A group of students has been going around drawing red "X's" on advertisements as a protest against advertising "dumping. "We have had enough of not being able to avoid crappy advertising," they said. Take out an ad!

• A stretch of the "Eurovelo" cycle path will be completed between Bacsó and Mohács. The route comprises Austria, Slovenia and Croatia, where it has already been completed.

• A store employee in Miskolc handed over Ft 50,000 to an armed robber before chasing him down and talking him into giving his haul back.

• More than 40,000 counterfeit Slovak alcohol tax seals worth Ft 40 million have been seized in Tolna county.

Monday

• Health minister Lajos Molnár wants to introduce a public deathlist of hospitals ranking the survival chances of patients. Okey-dokey.

• Cradle-robbing pseudo-celeb Tünde Kiszel was accused by her former boyfriend, Csaba Kondor, of "hanging out" with gay people live on radio. He phoned in and launched a tirade against her and her gay chums. Fag.

• Several hundred people stood by watching as two girls drown in the Tisza on a downtown stretch of the river where swimming is not permitted. One of the girls' mothers begged the bystanders to help out. A woman jumped in and rescued one girl, but the other was swept downstream.

• Police are searching for the person who beheaded an injured white crane in Elek (Békés County). It is not clear whether it was an act of mercy or an act of cruelty.

Tuesday

• Hungary's National Public Health and Medical Officer Service (ÁNTSZ) will soon publish its list of restaurants that have poisoned their guests. They hope that the threat of lost customers will prove more of a turn-off than the rotten Ft 100,000 fine they normally meat, er, mete, out.

• This season has been disastrous for farmers. Crops of cherries, redcurrants, blackberries and watermelons have been poor. Not to mention raspberries and honey. Prices are shooting for the stars.

• Black Hungarian singer/sex machine Pákó Fekete donned a women's dress at a drunken party once again. He denies allegations that he used to be a dancing girl but admitted he is working on a new album entitled, "Chocolate melts in your mouth" (a csoki a szádban olvad). He did not, however, deny hanging out with Tünde Kiszel and her gay friends.

• Some 200 Újpest soccer fans were arrested after "almost completely" destroying the buses that were transporting them home from a match against Diósgyőr.

• A policeman was dragged 60 meters and seriously injured in Érsekvadkert after attempting to do a routine roadside check. It turned out that the driver was wanted for skipping out on a seven-year prison sentence.

• Two men, one with a knife and one with a handgun, held up a small store in Tárogató út, making off with Ft 200,000.

Wednesday

• A female store employee in Gárdony beat a customer up for throwing four empty bottles into a trash container behind the store.

• A Budapest man put up a 12x8 meter banner with a poem asking for his girlfriend's hand on Andrássy út. She ran off.

• Rapper Ganxsta Zolee "doesn't give a shit" about his image. That makes two of us.

• A summer "cat invasion" is expected by the Orpheus Animal Protection League. The country is being overrun by stray cicák.

• The city's cheapest hamburgers can be found for Ft 180 at the Déli train station while the most expensive, and tastiest, are at the entrance to Margitsziget.

• Smokers in Dombóvár can expect a Ft 30,000 fine for throwing their spent butts onto the street.

• A burglar fell asleep mid-job in Szentes before being found in the morning by the house's residents.

• A girl died attempting to clean a cement mixer in Tura. It was still switched on.