Nation to be Shielded from Air Attack by Soft Ice Cream

For the past several years, Hungary has faced withering criticism from its NATO partners for its alleged unwillingness to live up to its defense commitments. Despite repeated pledges by the government that it would spend 1.76% of the country's GDP on its military, actual spending is running a full 25% below that, leading many analysts and allies to conclude that Hungary is simply not serious about its defense, or that of its allies. Happily, it looks like the government has now finally decided to step up to the plate and do its part for the defense of the West, with an announcement by the Ministry of Defense that it has sealed a deal to buy special ice cream machines for Ft 10 million (€39,000) each in order to provide fresh Mister Softee-style cones for its handful of fighter pilots.

According to an offline report in Színes Bulvár Lap, the first advanced ice-cream machine will be used at the Kecskemét air base, and there are plans to buy another one for a facility in Szeged. Defense Ministry spokesperson István Bocskai told the tab that ice cream is the best way of providing pilots the fast-acting energy they need, and that buying an ice cream maker is much cheaper than buying the ice cream at a café. He added that the machine was bought from the company which offered the lowest price. He also said that the pilots need the ice cream because their job is as strenuous as driving a grand prix car, which sounded pretty convincing to us, until we realized that grand prix race drivers seem to get on perfectly well without track-side soft-ice-cream machines.

The paper contacted the firm which sells the ice cream machine, the Kaposvár-based Vinto Kft, but the company's head, József Knoll, didn't want to comment on its military procurement activities. But the company appears to be well-acquainted with the country's military-political-industrial complex, as it lists among its references the Soli Deo Gloria Protestant Conference Center in Balatonszárszó, which received Ft 1 billion in support during the previous government, and has since hosted several political conferences.

Meanwhile, Gyula Vári (MSZP), vice-chairman of Parliament's Defense Committee, said the machine will not only serve pilots but guests as well. "My favorite flavors are punch and vanilla," he added.