Despite Cold, Signs of Spring Abound

Do not despair. Even with today's rain, and the last few days of unseasonably cold temperatures, we're feeling hopeful that spring is on its way. The sun is hanging around in the sky longer, and leaves are appearing on the trees. Our friend Gyuri said he even saw some crocuses poking up in his garden! But for us, the real sign that winter in Budapest is officially over is something we spotted last week: the first thong of spring.

Cloaked behind fashionable, skin-tight trousers, the first thong of spring is always a wonderful thing to see. It tries to conceal itself - in fact, its whole existence is wrapped up in not being seen - and yet, paradoxically, there it is in all its eye-popping glory, plain as day. It's not fooling anybody, this little guy. We just love seeing the first thong of spring!

How else can you be sure that springtime has arrived? We don't mean to rain on anyone's parade, but sure enough, there are some other, less salubrious signs of springtime in Budapest, and they're everywhere. Citizens of the metropolis are already being "treated" to the sights (and sounds!) of a certain seasonal pest, the Leather-jacketed motorcycle jackass (Knievelea nouveauricheata decibelus), shown here. Lying dormant in the winter months, this species emerges from April to October and is commonly found making ear-splitting noise up and down Budapest's more civilized avenues and boulevards. What evolutionary function this could possibly serve still has biologists stumped, as behaviour this obnoxious has been observed to drive females away. Some in the city are even calling for a cull of the leather-jacketed motorcycle jackass population, and we couldn't agree more!

And finally, there's another equally remarkable phenomenon that appears as the capital warms up: the linen-shirted bunkó (Mafiosa metroszexualis) and his mate, the inflatable-breasted plázacica (Puncius vulgaris), both seen to the right. Much less visible in the wintertime, their spectacular plumage comes out at the first hint of warm weather, and what spectacular plumage it is! The bunkó, who usually sports no hair on his head, chest, or underarms, and adorns his artificially bronzed body with treated denim and flowing lightweight shirts, will nonetheless claim to hate gay people. Meantime, the plázacica spends her waking hours shopping, preening, and not much else. A common feeding ground is Liszt Ferenc tér, while at night much time is spent in bars that are only to be found in malls. While quite stupid, both species are considered highly dangerous if provoked.

So if you get run over by a motorcycle or beaten to a pulp by a bald-headed bunkó, just remember to keep your good cheer, because it means spring has arrived. And you know what else that means. - Sean Jordan