War Fever Hits Capital

BUDAPEST, January 31 – In a stunning regional development likely to send shockwaves throughout Europe, two former Yugoslav republics were discovered yesterday to have discussed a plan to invade and occupy Hungary. As first revealed on the influential Slovene website Drepank, the plot hinges on a resolution of lingering border disputes between Slovenia and Croatia, after which Slovenia will support Croatia in a forced takeover and occupation of Hungary, which the website calls a "terrorist" "breakaway republic."

The plot: The audacious invasion plan by Slovenia and Croatia (above) calls for Hungary to be divided into two sectors, with a security fence separating the zones occupied by the former Yugoslav republics.

"Slovenia will contribute 3 divisions of its NATO forces, which are [equipped] with state of the art [military] technology," the website revealed. "Croatia will start the invasion with its three heavy equiped divisions, and will also use their superior air-force power for quick blitz-krieg military tactic." The report, dated January 27, went on to say that Slovene Prime Minister Janez Janša and his Croat counterpart, Ivo Sanader, had agreed to divide Hungary "40/60 with Budapest [evenly] split as the orientation point," and that Slovenia will then erect a security fence across the 400 kilometer long line, in part to keep the "impoverished" Croats out of the Slovene sector. While small in size and population, Slovenia has the highest per-capita income of any of the new EU member states, and has seldom refrained from rubbings its relative affluence into the noses of its former Eastern Bloc peers.

The plotters: Croatian and Slovene leaders Sanader and Janša (left) allegedly planned the attack on Hungary at a meeting in the border town of Mokrice; shadowy Ljubljana-based "blogger" Michael Manske (right, in undated surveillance photo) turned his website into a platform for anti-Hungarian hate speech.

The invasion plan came to light because of a seeming unrelated dispute between Hungary and Slovenia involving a popularity contest for European websites, in which the Hungarian and Slovenian candidates lead in one category. (See related story.) On Friday, the Hungarian website featured a satirical story lightly poking fun at Slovenia, which was then cynically used by the competing Slovene website to whip up a firestorm of anti-Hungarian hysteria. Currently, the site in question features numerous examples of mean-spirited and bizarre hate speech, including the following tart comment, which refers to the recent marriage of Slovene "supermodel" Melania Knauss and American mogul Donald Trump. "While their Hungarian honeys are busy peddling their snatches, she just simply snatched up a billionaire." Another Slovene suggested that Hungarians were "frustrated" because "Slovenia has so many pretty women and Hungarian chicks turn ugly right when they turn 19 - or is it 17?"

Neither France nor any other country has yet been directly implicated in the plot. But the nation that spearheaded the breakup of historic Hungary after World War I, and which famously thinks its women are the foxiest in the world, is tied with Hungary in another category in the same contest, suggesting a degree of complicity with the Balkan invasion plot. In addition, the editor of the Slovene website in the website competition announced he was throwing his support to a French website in the primary category of "best weblog" to focus on defeating Hungary.

While being urged to remain calm, the citizens and residents of Hungary and their allies throughout the world have been asked to do their part during this dire moment of national emergency, which, until further notice, consists of spending a few minutes to vote against Slovene and French aggression. Stay tuned for further updates.