Slovenes to Hungarians: You People Are, Like, Total Zeros

After five centuries of being invaded, occupied, re-invaded, messed with and ridiculed by all but one of its neighbors, Hungary is finally getting the bum's rush from the obscure statelet known as Slovenia. First came the news that America's official Eastern European supermodel queen is now a Slovene, thanks to Saturday's ill-fated wedding between reigning celeb tycoon king Donald Trump and Melania Knauss (right). "The Donald's" previous Eastern European supermodel wife was a Czech - Ivana - and you can just bet that the Slovenes are telling everyone who will listen that he intentionally skipped over Hungary en route to the newest Mitteleuropean Mrs. Donald. Now, we could live with this snub were it not for another, even more grievous assault on Hungary's dignity at the hands of the snaggle-toothed, accordion-playing hillbillies who inhabit, like so many she-goats, the alpine wastelands to the south of our beautiful country. Which is why we - and Hungary - urgently need your help.

It recently came to our attention that Pestiside.hu, Hungary's favorite English-language website, is one of just ten nominees in the category for "Best Weblog Focused on a Single Country or Region" in the first-ever online European Weblogs Awards. But now we have discovered that the vile Slovenes have massed in favor of their own, far inferior entry, something calling "The Glory of Carniola." (No doubt the title is meant to suggest that Pannonia has no glory.) So we implore all fans of Pestiside, and all proud sons and daughters of Hungary, to immediately go to the contest's webpage and show these people who they are messing with. And while you're there, don't forget to cast a ballot for Pestiside in the "Best New Weblog" category, where we are currently getting screwed by some French chick named "Emmanuel," which, while better than getting slapped around by the Slovenes, is not as nice as it sounds. As they say in Chicago, vote early and often, and pass the news far and wide.