Do-Nothing Therapy is Surprise Flop in Hungary

In a stunning twist likely to further damage Hungary's reputation as Central Europe's most leisure-focused nation, a local manufacturer of floatation tanks is apparently having difficulty selling total inactivity to Magyars.

"Floatation tanks" and the "floatation therapy" they make possible have long been a big business in holistic hotspots like Northern California, and increasingly bob up among friends of dolphins worldwide. Devotees say that by floating in warm salty water in complete darkness and silence allows for the efficient release of the Inner You, without any messy meditation, prayer or anything more strenuous than just lolling on the brine like a piece of kelp.

"The Tank" was originally developed by wild-eyed American psychologist John Lilly, who conducted top-secret research in the 1950s into how the North Koreans and other commies might be using sensory deprivation to brainwash US POWs and turn them into Manchurian Candidates.

A decade later, the hippies got a hold of the technology, and discovered that if you drifted in dark silence long enough, you would eventually see this, this, or even this, all without as a single tab of LSD or bong hit. And because of the salty water and utter lack of exertion involved in floatation therapy, many believed the tank was a natural for countries like Hungary, where "strenuous workout" generally means mutely soaking in mineral water for an hour, and then having a massage and a big plate of raw bacon.

But Tranquillitas Ltd. International , a Hungarian company that for a decade has assembled and exported floatation tanks under the trade name Elysium to markets as far away as the paradisiacal valley of tiny Andorra, has yet to sell a single unit in its home market.

"I'm not saying we (Hungarians)'re not good in relaxation," says Attila Süle-Szigeti, a serene former rave promoter who is the CEO of Tranquillitas. But obviously there is something missing. Even the website for Elysium (Tranquilitas Kft) is now so relaxed it has slipped into a deep, soothing sleep. (Though Süle-Szigeti can be reached at elysium@nexus.hu or info@floatelysium.com.)

Meanwhile, clubs like Napejhaz in Erd which offered the slothful therapy have had to close down due what you might call a lack of a lack of enthusiasm.

Still, it's hard to understand why floatation therapy doesn't catch on in Hungary. The country is currently in the grip of almost every other New Age fad, from pseudo-Buddhism to healing stones to not eating big plates of raw bacon. And when not floating in salty water at the thermal baths, many Hungarians can be found incubating in giant electromagnetic pods at their local turbo-solarium. In fact, we're sure that, if one of Hungary's inventors put their famously brilliant minds to it, they could find a way to make

Wait a minute... turbo-solarium... floatation tank... turbo-floatation solarium tank.