Pest's Fallow Gardens of Paradise, and Other Party-Pooping

For those of us who are young of heart, and at least youngish of body, the first zephyrs of spring air flowing into Budapest last week made us think of only two things, the second of which is gardens.

By gardens I don't mean the kind behind your house you plant flowers or vegetables in, but the ones you plant yourself in and drink until you turn into a vegetable. For the last several summers, Budapest has enjoyed an almost embarrassingly rich assortment of kertek, where young revelers can drink and carouse al fresco until the stars are sent home by the morning sun. (I use the Hungarian word rather than the unappealing translation "beer garden" because - well, because it sounds more appealing.) The several Pest-side kerts that have opened in the past few years have been especially alluring, oases of cool air and cool people in what can otherwise seem a sweltering concrete jungle of dried-out night spots and watering holes. As the hipsters in New York say, they are The Bomb.

Speaking of New York hipsters, Budapest's better kerts are, along with Piaf and a few other spots, the only nightlife attractions guaranteed to impress club connoisseurs visiting from the Big Apple and other bar-and-club Meccas.

This is why it is so depressing to ponder the probability that some of Budapest's best kerts - including the top three on Stink's side of the river - Szimpla Kert, Szoda Udvar and Gozsdu-udvar - will not be opening next summer, at least not in their previous locations.

The oldest and best known of the three, Szimpla kert was housed in the ramshackle courtyard of a very old and abandoned two-story building on Király utca. (You entered the garden through a passageway linked to adjacent Kazinczy u.) I've been told the building was originally built - or "purpose built," as architects say - back in the 19th Century as a brothel. I'm not sure if this is really true, but the place had such an elemental carnality to it that, if some future Hungarian supergenius outdoes Neumann János and Teller Ede by finally inventing the time machine, I'd be sorely tempted to punch in "Király u./Kazinczy u. sárok:05/04/1904" and find out for sure. Either way, it was a spectacular setting for a late-night fröccs, and it pains me to think that it is no more.

For its part, Szoda udvar was slightly more slick and theatrical, being housed in the courtyard of a typical, multi-story udvár building on nearby Holló u. while Gozsdu occupied one quad of the famous complex of the same name linking Király and Dób utcas. Szoda and Szimpla were annexes of the excellent saloons of the same names on Wesselényi and Kertesz utca.

But it's not just Pest that it is seeing its gardens not grow this summer. The Rác kert, perhaps the most beloved of Budapest's kerts, is also no more than a fond memory, thanks to a planned conversion of the adjacent thermal baths into luxury spa complex. The three Pesti-side kerts are similarly falling victim to the surge of redevelopment that has overtaken the gloriously decrepit seventh district.

Of course, a number of kerts from previous years will reopen this summer in their usual spots, most notably the Rom kert - which sits beside the Rudás Baths - along with Zöldpardon and Rio, which hug the Buda-side approach to the Petőfi bridge. But the four gardens set to stay fallow next summer were somehow more special, due to their unusual venues and modish patrons.

And, as usual, never doubt the ingenuity of Hungarians, especially those hell-bent on having a good time. We hear that plans are underway for a number of new kerts in unusual places, some of the quasi-legal variety. So pray for good weather, and stay tuned for more details.

Sometimes, if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself.

The mega-warehouse fashion party sponsored by Rynart the Saturday before last had almost everything a great get-together needs - a notable setting, heaps of great food and drink, and thumping music. There was even a shiny red Ferrari for partygoers to gape at. The only thing missing, according to our spies, was enough great people to fill the Dutch transport firm's cavernous logistics centre in Budaörs.

Ironically enough, the problem seems to have been transport. A little bird told us that some of the invitations were delayed or lost due to an ongoing logistics crisis at Magyar Posta, which has supposedly slowed mail delivery throughout Budapest in the past few weeks. We can only assume ours was among the invites that went missing.

The long-awaited arrival of Hungary in the European Union is also expected to see the arrival of numerous budget airlines in Hungary.

While most folks in town are sensibly greeting this development like manna from heaven, a few are worried about the expected influx of new tourists, especially young Brits flying in on pre-packaged party tours. Having seen what's happened in Prague - where packs of sozzled yobs routinely invade and ransack Old Town like medieval Magyars - even some local John Bulls are now calling for drastic measures to prevent the new travel links from ruining the quality of life here in relatively sleepy Budapest.

Well, to paraphrase today's most famous barbarian invader, all I can say is bring it on. Seriously, Hungary has nothing to fear, and a whole lot to gain, by the growth of tourism, even if some of the visitors are just coming for a long and wet weekend. Despite a recent uptick in demand, many of the country's hotels and restaurants are starved for business, and the typical visitor to Hungary (aged, German-speaking penny-pincher) is literally a dying breed.

Budapest's nightlife in particular could use a shot in the arm. No offense to Club 7, but there is, for example, no proper dance club that a sane person over 35 would want to go boogie down in. Overall, when compared to most European or North American cities of its size, Budapest's bar and club scene is a wasteland. And the more merry-makers who come to town, the more likely this will change for the better.

Whatever happens, I wouldn't worry about Budapest becoming Prague. Don't be fooled by the superficial physical similarities between the two cities. (Castle on the hill, river running through the center of town, loads of scenic Catholic churches undisturbed by practicing Catholics.) The Czech capital is a picture-perfect tourist trap, with a tiny and maze-like historic downtown, while ours is a genuine city of neighborhoods, each of which could absorb several times the number of visitors it currently gets.

As for the problem Brits, I will just mention that a few years back, New York was in an even worse situation than Prague. But in the end all we had to do was forcefully demonstrate to them that we weren't going to tolerate their loutish behavior, and, before you knew it, we were the best of friends again. I've no doubt Budapest can do the same - after all, this new lot of troublemakers doesn't even have muskets!