Following the devastating earthquake in Haiti, some people began to question how Budapest would fare if like Haiti it was struck by a magnitude 7 shaker, with the answer being quite terribly. Origo.hu asked researchers at the Hungarian Academy of Sciences who said given the lack of such earthquakes in the region, they could only make educated guesses, but said it would be worse, as there's actually infrastructure to destroy here (their words, not ours). The experts added, however, that the old buildings in central Budapest with many shops in the bottom would suffer catastrophic damage, especially those where small shops were combined into a larger one, thereby removing supporting walls. While the parliament's dome would survive, most church towers would break apart, as would water and gas mains. In fact, the only things expected to survive a strong quake more or less intact would be the ugly panel houses built during the Kádár period that exist in the suburbs.

Having received this video by rock band Quimby in our inbox, we're still at a loss as to just what the hell is going on here, other than it's not safe for work, unless your job is drawing penises all day. We're still trying to figure out if it's a reference to this, a comment on graffiti in the city, or if what it intends to state is that the protesters that go marching around Budapest are a bunch of dicks. Still, we'll never look at the tunnel below the castle the same way again.

As much as swearing can get lost in the transfer from one language to another, so apparently can the meanings of names. That certainly is the case with urbandictionary.com, where being a László or Béla is definitely cool, but you might not wish to be a Gábor, and certainly not an Imre...

Mistranslations between Hungarian and English are nothing new, but we still got a chuckle out of a poster at trash blog Subba purporting to list 100 ways to say "fuck you." Then again, perhaps we've just not been keeping up with the latest Hungarian slang.

After all these years of hearing about different ways people scam free rides on the Budapest metro, this morning I finally witnessed the be-all and end-all technique for beating the system. At the top of the escalator in the M3 station at Ferenciek tere was a typical squad of three BKV ellenőrök - two dudes and a dumpy woman - actively checking tickets and passes. The woman asks a guy in his 20s coming off the escalator for his pass, and he ignores her and keeps walking. She calls after him and he keeps ignoring her, so she starts following him, politely but loudly asking him to stop and present his ticket or pass. At which point he turns around, says something along the lines of suck it, bitch and nonchalantly walks away, leaving the ellenőrnő standing there, quietly muttering to herself. All I can say is that, if ancient Rome had a metro, it probably ended like this.

Tired of paying to park on the street in Budapest? Well, you may be in luck, because the recent spate of snowstorms has led to a wholly new and excellent way to screw the system. According to tabloid Bors, a debate over who is responsible for clearing the snow off of parked cars has led to a moratorium on the handing out of parking tickets on cars with snow-encrusted windshields.

How's this for stupid: A BKV bus driver was forced to quit after he uploaded a video of himself (above) singing silly songs and cheerfully cursing his "stupid" passengers, while being towed in a bus that had broken down because - by his own admission - he had been driving too fast. [nol.hu]

If you're reading this, odds are you're not in or near a car, bus or truck on the road somewhere in Hungary. And given the crush of ugly motoring accident stories we've run across over the past few snow-packed days, it's probably a good idea to just stay wherever you are. No joke:

• Several children who had been injured in a road accident were injured again when a bus ran into the ambulance they were riding in. The three kids and the driver of the car they were in were first injured when a school bus collided with them on Route 35 between Hajdúböszörmény and Pród. Two ambulances were sent to the scene, and while the injured were being attended to, another bus ran into one of the ambulances, pushing it into the other, re-injuring two of the three kids, as well as a police officer who was securing the scene. [mno.hu]
• A man was run down by a Bulgarian tractor-trailer while he was trying to help the driver of a broken-down van on the M5 motorway near Kistelek on Tuesday. He was transported to a Szeged hospital by helicopter where he remains in critical condition. [nol.hu]
• A pedestrian was rushed to the hospital in critical condition after they were run over by a snowblower at the intersection of Szentmihályi út and Régi Fóti út in District XV on Saturday. It was said to be the victim's fault, because the driver of snowblower couldn't see there was a pedestrian crossing, perhaps because of all the snow they were blowing. [nol.hu]

Ever heard of the European Cities Against Drugs network? If not, no sweat, because we're not in it anymore! Serious: Last week the Budapest city government decided to quit the ECAD, which the Hungarian capital had belonged to since 1994. One reason: They didn't want to pay the €10,000 annual membership fee. Which seems pretty steep when you consider that, thanks to the growing availability of cocaine in Budapest, that 10 grand could buy a whole kilo of high-quality gak. [origo.hu]

It's funny enough that a local company is running a special promotion offering a free trip to Tunisia to anyone buying a gravestone. Funnier still is that last year Budapest Deputy Mayor Miklós Hagyó was embroiled in a scandal involving the pimping of private funeral services, and allegedly has business interests in Tunisia! Bonus goof: the URL parlimentko.hu ("parliament stone"). [homar.blog.hu]

Police in the Vas County town of Bük recently made a surprising collar in the form of a naked Czech man so drunk he forgot where he was staying and barged into a local home, refusing to leave. The drunken Czech was taken by ambulance to a psychiatric in Szombathely. No details on how he lost his clothes, or whether the shock of Hungarian beer may have caused his derangement. [atv.hu]

A body found in the shrubs bordering the parking lot of Budapet's Lurdy Ház shopping center last week has been identified as belonging to a homeless person. Despite earlier concerns, the 62-year-old man was not murdered, but simply died from being out in the bitter cold for too long. So no problem! [stop.hu]